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Parenting - Best job in the world!
By Steven Dale
Is being a parent the best job in the world?
The short answer is yes and no! Yes because it is the best job in the world and no because its not really a job but rather a vocation, a calling, a blessing, a privilege... however you want to describe it, its the most important role you can fulfill as an adult in life. I speak as someone who had a somewhat inadequate father (I come from a broken home) and as a parent myself. As I grew up I desperately wanted to be a parent one day but was terrified I would make a mess of it just like my father. All the memories of my childhood and its negative experiences convinced me I would repeat the mistakes of my own father. After all, the saying tells us "like father like son" and it didn't help when my mother would say things like that as I was growing up. I know of course that there were reasons why both my parents weren't always the best they could be and I know now that I am far from being the perfect parent... aren't we all to some extent? I know too that whatever we do as parents, the outcome is still somewhat uncertain and I am sure that we will never be fully appreciated by our kids until we are dead and buried! What matters for me is that at the end of the day I have done the best I can within the limitations of human frailty and all the stuff that life throws at us. Even then, my kids have their own personalities, they make their own choices in life and life will throw them some challenges that will test them. That's life and we can only hope and trust that things will go well for them. So, what makes a good parent? Here are some of my personal thoughts: 1. Be yourself - don't try to match up to your kids friends parents. They may be richer than you, cleverer than you, have a better job, nicer house, afford more holidays, have talent or be celebrities. Your kids will see though it... believe me. Just be true to yourself and your kids will appreciate it... though they may not tell you for years! 2. If you are not a single parent try to support your partner, at least in front of the kids... they need stability and that comes from never undermining each other in front of the kids. We will never agree with our partners 100% on everything so discuss your differences calmly and in private. 3. Never try and make your kids into carbon copies of yourself - if you are a doctor, don't try and force your kids to be doctors too. They may choose to be but don't make them choose it as a career because you are one. I remember as a nurse working with a junior doctor who was always stressed out and terribly unhappy. Eventually she tried to commit suicide and in the end it transpired both her parents were very successful doctors and she had felt under pressure to match up to and exceed their achievements in medicine. 4. Admit your mistakes - we all screw up at times and its best to admit it, as soon as possible. Our kids will appreciate it. It shouldn't be a case of "do what I say and not what I do". If we want our kids to be honest individuals, willing to own up to their mistakes and recognise their own weaknesses and strengths, then we need to show them how. 5. Try to remember what it was like to be a child or teenager - not to say you should try and be one again but remember how tough it was at times... the uncertainty, the times you were shy or lacked self-confidence. Have fun too and be willing to relax and make a fool of yourself at times, but only with your kids and not in public. Kids hate that! 6. As your kids grow up, give them more responsibility and the space to fail, to make mistakes and tell them its ok to do so and that the important thing is to try and then try again. If we wrap them in cotton wool to protect them from the big bad world we will only make them insecure and unable to overcome challenges and adversity. We won't always be there and one day they will have to stand on their own two feet. 7. Remember to encourage them - kids take criticism to heart really badly and need encouragement more than we think. Not the sugary emotional stuff but just everyday encouragement, the simple "thank you" for a job well done and recognition of hard work, perhaps with some reward or treat. At all times they must believe that you notice them, that you appreciate them and that you respect them as individuals. Thats just a few of the lesson I have learnt and continue to learn every day as a parent. By God's grace I will get better each day. |
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February, 2012
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